LONELY WAY TO FREEDOM

 

 A dream called – LIFE…

 July 30, 2022

 

Here I will describe my path to freedom, my experiences, my revelations, my downfalls and victories. How I became free by getting rid of regrets, fears, accepting pain instead of rejecting it. Because that is what “Salt of the Earth” is. Without pain our life becomes insipid, tasteless. A bouquet of flavors whether bitter or sweet, makes it a bright flash, which forever stays in our soul. Now I can definitely say that my life was tasteful. Everything, absolutely everything that was in it and even what I ran from my whole life in an attempt to forget, today only causes a smile. I do not want to run anymore, I do not want to forget, because it no longer causes me pain. As king Solomon once said: “Everything passes. This too will pass”.

 

Fear

Final Part, March 7, 2024

Tell me, is there anyone who does not know fear? Who is the bravest? Today I have the answer to this question. I think that the bravest are our children, whose souls are still pure, and fear, “phobos” has not yet knocked on the doors of their hearts.

One time, when my son was 4 years old, I was very sick, it seemed like my time was running out. And a feeling of hopelessness and icy fear settled in my soul. In one of such moments, my little son came up to me, silently hugged me and whispered:

- Mommy, you know, how much I love you. You know that my love - is also a prayer, and prayer heals. Well mommy, are you feeling better now?

Tears flowed from my eyes, hopelessness was replaced by hope and boundless love for God and this wise little creature. Fear was defeated and overcome by love, soon I was healthy. Already then, I realized that my life is not ending, but only beginning. Since there is still so much I have not learned from my children.

The reason I remembered this is because the sweetest prayer for the Lord - is our love. The most magical words - are the ones we did not say aloud. The kind of words that can only be heard in complete silence, in which everything disappears and only the beating of your hearts is left. Heartbeat which whispers the Lord about love, the love in which you dissolve, accepting with your whole being everything that you encounter on your path. Love and acceptance, like different sides of the same coin.

All our fears are overcome through love and trust in God. Everything that you encounter on your way. Be it grief or joy, tears or laughter, light or pitch darkness, ups or downs, birth or death, as different variables of one life. We are born to die, and die to be born again. The belief that everything is God and your whole life - is a path to Him and for Him, gives you fearlessness and acceptance of your lives.

The wisest teachers in my life were, are, and will be my children. They taught me to forgive, love, and accept, not expecting anything in return. I am very grateful to them that their souls chose me, and God for trusting me with them in this life. With them I remembered about acceptance, as a foundation of a strong and boundless love. I realized that pain - is not always the enemy, and tears are not always sadness, failing is not always a sin. We will never be fearful for our lives if they belong to God, because death - is not the end, but only the beginning.

And when in the darkest moments of my life I was able to acknowledge God's love for me, I was able to love and forgive those who betrayed, lied, and caused deep wounds to my soul and body. Even in that I was able to find love, but not theirs to me, but mine for them. Since only this way, forgiving and letting go, I was able to save my love for God, for the One who had already given me His entire life to the last drop of blood.

With acceptance I stopped clinging to my life. I was able to see eternity in every moment of my life. For me it is already enough. I stopped waiting for miracles, because everyday lived is already full of miracles.

Fear is incinerated by the love for God. Because it is the light that chases the darkness away from our lives. It washes away all our sins with the water of Holy Baptism. It whitens our exhausted souls until white, heals their wounds and chases away death, resurrecting us to eternal life.

Love your lives, gift love to those who you meet on your path. Live to love and for love, and then you will forget what fear is.

With love, Esther.

 

 

 

Christmas…

December 4, 2022

For many years I have felt the scent of Christmas. I cannot even remember when this feeling began. Every year somewhere at the end of November everything becomes different, magical, and the air alive and tangible, as if the Earth and Heaven became one. It is a feeling of peace, when you do not want to run. The air is filled with voices of the past, present, and future. Memories that seemed long forgotten come to life. Alive become the smiles and faces of those who are long gone from this world. But during Christmas time they are alive. I remember the smell of my grandmothers, grandfathers, father and mother, home. In these memories we are still together, there is no death or resentment yet. The boundary of no return has not yet been crossed. There are still hope and love.

I can hear the fire crackling in the furnace, and how the flames reflected on the old icons along with the faces of those who are dear to me. The fragrance of kutia, kalach, hay and the endless expectation of magic. Back then I did not see it, but only felt it, waited for it and of course these were far from spiritual values, and rather material ones. But now I see it so clearly and feel it so vividly. And that magic was smiles, eyes, hands folded during prayer. The whisper of rosary, which my grandmother read to me by my bed, the sweetest lullaby of my life, the carols of my family. I can hear the voice of my father, mother, brother. I remember the big hands of my grandfather, in which it seemed I could hide the whole world. The lap and hugs of my grandmother, I remember braiding her grey hair. Christmas – is a time when it feels as if anything is possible. That there are no unachievable goals and wishes, that I can take my most cherished dream and hang it like a beautiful New Year’s ball on the tree of my life.

If you ask what exactly Christmas time for me is. I will answer you – it is a time of peace, smiles, hugs, hope and endless love and gratefulness to God. It is another clean page in the book of my life, on which I will write my today. It is the only time when I do not feel alone and burdened. Kneeling in front of the Christmas manger, I feel a shooting star of hope sink into my heart and light my way home. It is magical and unforgettable, as only the good things come to life in memory.

But what is Christmas for you? What do you feel? How do you prepare your hearts and homes to the coming of the Lord, our Jesus Christ. Since only with Him, we are not alone, abandoned, or forgotten. With Him there are no sorrows or fears. With Him we are taken to a time when we still knew how to accept, hear, and see true values.

Protect those who are left close to you, treasure the time because it is so impermanent and fragile. I wish everyone to find their true calling and the way “home”, and to not lose hope and aspiration, in this world of illusions and sin.

With love Esther!

 Fear… Part 4

September 10, 2022

Today I want to analyze the mechanism of fear from the point of view of human physiology and anatomy. This will be more about fear-phobia and the instinct of self-preservation. It is not possible to overcome something without knowledge of the mechanism of the process of what is happening. If you see your fears from a different point of view, you will be able to understand how to overcome them or you will possibly see that fear – is just another illusion created by the society, which we are so desperately inspired from childhood to old age…

Fear arises from the contact of a person’s feeling with a certain reality that seems dangerous. For example:

It is dark outside, you are sitting alone at home in silence, when you suddenly hear a loud bang in the next room. Your breathing becomes more frequent. Your heart starts pounding. Your muscles become tense. In a fraction of a second you understand that from the powerful wind your window was hit by a branch from a nearby tree. You are safe. But just for a moment you got scared and reacted as if something threatened your life, and your body initiated the reaction “fight or flight”, which is vital to the survival of any living organism.

Fear – is a chain reaction in the brain, which starts with a stressful stimulus and ends with the release of chemicals that cause a faster heart rate, faster breathing, and energized muscles. The stimulus can be anything, a spider in your bathroom, an aggressive passerby on the street, a full audience of people waiting for you to come on stage, or a sudden loud knock on your window.

Over 100 billion nerve cells in the brain form a complex network of communications that are the starting point of everything we feel, think, and do. Some of these communications lead to conscious thoughts and actions, while others cause autonomous responses. The response to fear is almost entirely autonomous: we do not consciously trigger it.

Since brain cells continuously transfer information and cause responses, there are dozens of brain regions directly and indirectly involved with fear.

• Thalamus – decides where to send incoming sensory data from eyes, ears, mouth, skin.
• Sensory cortex – interprets received sensory data.
• Hippocampus – stores and retrieves conscious memories, processes stimulus sets to establish context.
• Amygdala – deciphers emotions, determines a possible threat, stores memories of fear.
• Hypothalamus – activates the “fight or flight” response.

Thus, the process of creating fear begins with a fearful stimulus and ends with the fight or flight response. However, between point A and point B there are two paths for the development of the subsequent events, and both processes occur at the same time. The first path, a quick reaction, the main idea of which is – “not to take risks”. Yes, something hit your window, and it could be the wind, but it could also be a thief, trying to get in. It is much less dangerous to assume that it is a thief and be complacent when it is the wind than it is to bet on the weather and realize too late that someone has actually broken into your house. This is exactly what happens first: the brain instantaneously launches the quick reaction, forcing one to assume a more optimal development of events, after which comes the second, slow reaction, which clarifies the context. You could say that it “asks” a kind of clarifying questions. The quick process looks like this:

The knock on the window – is the stimulus. As soon as you hear the sound, brain sends that sensory data to the thalamus. At this stage thalamus does not know yet, if these signals are a sign of danger or not, but since they may well be, it sends the information to the amygdala. The amygdala receives the nerve impulses and takes measures to protect you: telling hypothalamus to initiate the “fight or flight” response, which could save your life, if what you hear turns out to be an intruder.

The slow reaction is much more thought out: at the same time when the first reaction causes fear response just in case, the second reaction considers all the possibilities. The slow reaction looks like this:

When your ears hear the sound, they send this data to the thalamus. Thalamus sends this data to the sensory cortex, where it is interpreted for understanding. The sensory cortex detects that there are several possible interpretations of the data and passes them on to the hippocampus for context. The hippocampus asks questions: “Have I seen this stimulus before? If yes, what did it mean that time? What else can give me a clue for understanding?” While you were quietly sitting at home, hippocampus could have been catching other data, like the noise of the powerful wind outside. Taking this information into account, the hippocampus determines that the knocking on the window is most likely the result of the wind. It sends the message to amygdala that there is no danger, and the amygdala tells hippocampus to turn off the “fight or flight” response.

The sensory data about the window – the stimulus – at the same time takes both paths, but the second reaction takes longer than the first one. That is why before calming down, we experience a moment of horror.

But no matter what reaction we are talking about, all paths lead to hypothalamus: it is the part of brain that controls the ancient reaction of survival. To cause the “fight or flight” response, hypothalamus activates two systems: sympathetic nervous system and adrenal cortex. The sympathetic nervous system uses nervous pathways for the initiation of reactions of the organism, and the adrenal cortex uses blood flow.

When the hypothalamus orders the sympathetic nervous system to turn on, the overall effect is that the body accelerates, tenses up and generally becomes very alert, adrenaline and norepinephrine are released. If there is an intruder by the window, you will need to act quickly. At the same time hypothalamus secretes hormone ACTH (adrenocorticotropic hormone). ACTH moves with the bloodstream and eventually enters the adrenal cortex, where it activates the release of about 30 different hormones that prepare the body to fight the threat.

Sudden rush of adrenaline and dozens of other hormones cause physiological changes in the body, including:

• increased heart rate and blood pressure.
• dilatation of the pupils so that the eyes absorb as much light as possible.
• narrowing of the veins in the skin to send more blood to the main muscle groups (which is why people sometimes get chills when they are scared).
• increased level of glucose in bloodstream.
• tension in the muscles that get energy from adrenaline and glucose (hence the goosebumps: the tiny muscles attached to each hair tense up and the hair is pulled up).
• relaxation of smooth muscles to allow more oxygen to enter the lungs.
• shut down of non-essential systems (for example, digestive and immune systems), to give more energy for emergency functions.
• problems concentrating on small tasks (the brain is focused solely on the big picture of what is happening).

All these physical responses are to help you survive a dangerous situation and prepare you either for flight or fight for your life. Fear – is an instinct, that every living thing has.

Neurologist Joseph Le Doux explains more simply and accessibly. There are two systems that warn of danger. One, an emergency one, does not distinguish between subtleties and prefers reinsurance to excessive carelessness, acting on the principle of “forewarned is forearmed”. The assessment is made instantly, and the amygdala is responsible for it. The second system, the slower one, is complex and thorough, associated with the functions of the cerebral cortex. Imagine that you are walking in a field and suddenly notice a branch on the ground. First you get scared because the amygdala reacted as if the branch was a snake. While at the same time, the cortex comes into action, analyzes the nature of the stimulus, and comes to the conclusion that it is just a branch. You calm down and continue on your way.

Le Doux discovered another amazing thing: some of the information about fears can be well imprinted in the amygdala and never get erased. To a certain extent this is useful, since the memory of the experienced dangers should be preserved. However, on the other hand, the reality could change and then we without realizing risk becoming hostages of outdated and false information.

If we sum up the above, we can conclude that the feeling of fear is a complex emotion that arises as a result of complex mechanisms transmitting nerve impulses in the cortex and limbic system of the brain. And biochemical changes in the blood caused by the release of hormones and neurotransmitters. This ability of our body is aimed at the biggest phobia of all mankind – DEATH. From the point of view of physiology – it is an instinct of self-preservation, which unconsciously defends our life. That is why you must clearly separate the instincts that are aimed at saving your life and the illusion that fetters you with horror, inspiring non-existent phobias and depriving you of sanity. That is exactly why the amygdala was studied so actively in the last decade, which has the power to deceive a person’s conscience, presenting an illusion as the reality of what is happening. This leads to a complete loss of control over their own emotions, desires, feelings. We become deaf, blind, and weak-willed, because we live in a world of dreams, which are artificially created for us by the servants of satan. To be continued…

 

Fear… Part 3

August 18, 2022

 

Etymology of the word “FEAR” I wrote for those who want proof and not just words from a stranger by the name of Esther. I always knew that love and fear are incompatible with each other. I could not understand why there is so much space in the Bible for fear, why it is the foundation of love to God? How can that be possible? Or is it a matter of deliberate concealment of the truth? Who benefits from lying for the good…? Who needs to pervert the lines of the Holy Scriptures? After all, fear and love are always antagonists.

It is impossible to feel love to someone whom you are afraid of – never! Written in the second part, I was able to explain, disassemble, prove that the fear of God, or its correct name – Theosebia, is not what we are used to thinking it is. Because when you love, you tremble with all your being, and it is not from fear. It is like a jump from a great height (bungee-jumping), when before you step into the abyss, your heart jumps out of your chest, when it squeezes your breath. That is a feeling of unbelievable trepidation as you tremble from the tips of your hairs to the tips of your fingers. When during those few seconds of falling your whole life flies before your eyes.

We are not supposed to fear God, we are supposed to tremble before Him. Tremble from love, like little flames tremble from the wind. Us and our love is that flame, and the breathing of the Heavenly Father is that wind which makes us tremble. It can make the flame higher and stronger. It is not what can put out the flame – it is impossible. Because the Lord makes our love higher and stronger. And as long as there is at least a small spark remaining, with the first gentle breath, a touch of the wind, a huge flame of love flares up. Love of a person to their Creator, love of a child to their Father (just imagine – Creator of the body and the Father of soul), until all our sins, vices, and weaknesses are incinerated in this fire, and we are reborn as the Lord Jesus did into a spiritual creature that can overcome the sting of death…

Frustrating, that there are no words with which I could describe my love to the Heavenly Father, my Lord. But the pain in my chest will tell Him, how much I love Him. How much I wish to return like the prodigal son. How grateful I am for this pain, that gives a sense of life, realism to what happens. It is the most faithful guardian of my soul. The best indicator of truth on my lonely path to freedom…

In Revelation 10, verse 9: “And I went to the angel and said to him, Give me a book. He told me: take it and eat it; it will be bitter in your belly, but in your mouth it will be sweet as honey.” The Bible is a book of symbols, which you need to be able to read and understand. The book is a symbol of wisdom, knowledge, truth. And the truth, no matter how sweet it would seem, will always bear in it a bitter aftertaste. Because truth is light, which illuminates the darkest corners of our souls. I would say that it is always bitter.

On the path to understanding the truth we go through a few stages: the first is rejection and doubting, second is resentment or aggression, third is humility and only after, we are ready to accept. Some get stuck on rejection, rejecting their Creator, true values and point of life, some begin to hate the world, God, blaming Him in all their failures and troubles, some come to humility choking on self-pity and self-flagellation, and only a few come to acceptance. Acceptance of their true self, acceptance of their dark side of being. Because virtues and victories do not need acceptance, but weaknesses, vices, insults, deeds, words spoken in a fit of despair need our acceptance.

I think that the truth about all of us begins with Adam and Eve, and in order to understand it, you need to go back to where it all began. To the place that was called Paradise, when the earth was not touched by sin, when there was still no betrayal, first spilt blood, death, when there was nothing to say sorry for, and there was no need to say goodbye.

The tree of knowledge of good and evil – is a source of wisdom. I think it is more like a mountain spring than a fruit tree, drinking from which we know good and evil. Cognition – is always a verb, it is not just knowledge. To understand a taste you need to bite, to understand sin it needs to be done. At the moment when Eve took the first drink, she saw the whole gamut of colors, tones and halftones.

I can definitely say that she had no regrets, since she offered her husband to try. And in that minute they plunged, as if into a pool headlong into all the possible vices and sins. In that very second they sinned countless times, now knowing evil, they were able to consider and understand what good is. They did not feel guilty, since they did not say: “Sorry”, but they hid. Hid, because fear-phobos appeared, with which the ancient serpent sealed them for the first fall into sin.

I want to say, that knowledge without experience is dead, same as words without action. Image an aborigine, whom you gave a watch. He will never be able to put them to use. He does not know what time is, numbers, what the arrows are needed for. But you can teach him, show him. That is what happed with our ancestors. The ancient serpent taught them, all the vices and sins, filled half their souls with darkness and fear of death. That is why in your spiritual memory knowledge of the original sin is left. That is when the first feeling of pain appeared, as a reminder of the true Fathers love to us.

We come into this world through pain, and so we leave. We experience pain when we are betrayed. We are hurt when we sin, hurt when we are sick and hurt a lot when we fall. It is pain that does not let us forget who we are and from where? It sobers and encourages action. It is not an enemy, it is always a FRIEND. It stands in the middle of the scales, our lives, separating good and evil, balancing them. So that we ourselves could take a victorious step into the arms of the Heavenly Father, or step into the abyss to the one who hates us. We are still left with a choice and the last word is always ours.

Our life should begin with acceptance of ourselves, this world, people, acceptance of the bad and the good without condemnation, protesting, struggle. We need to fall to lose to our vices, to this world of lies. Because fighting does not always bring victory. Sometimes inaction, not being involved in the war of passions, opens opportunities for knowing the truth. Only those who can balance good and evil will be able to overcome sin and its creator, overcome the ancient serpent by making a choice in the direction of truth, in the direction of light. We must return our spiritual essence. Our spiritual being must surpass the bodily. Because no carnal pleasures could replace or surpass the sweet pain of soul, sincere words of the Heavenly Father: “Do not fear soul”! And these are not just words since they are supported by action. He sent into this world of sin, world of passions, world of lies his Only Begotten Son. Our guiding Star, which illuminates our path home, the path that is covered with thickets of thorns and ravines of infirmities. But we have nothing to fear, because Jesus Christ was the first to offer us a lonely path to freedom, leaving His footprints drenched in the blood of redemption so that we do not get lost in the darkness of the night… To be continued.

 

Part 2

August 11, 2022

 

All these days I have been thinking a lot in search of answers and even more reading books, dictionaries, treatises, medical manuals about fear. To be able to dissect it layer by layer, to the very mask where its beginning lies.

Fear – is one of those words of scientific etymology, which unfortunately, are far from the truth. The ancient primary sources of the word fear, have not been yet explained in dictionaries. The word FEAR comes from two ancient roots: the prefix *tweh-/*tewh- “to be powerful, oscillating”, and the main part *tre- “to shake”/*tres- “to tremble”. A single idea of fear born in combination of root-word images “to be strong, vacillating” and “shake, tremble” can be described as “awe of the weak before the strong.” From fear, living being trembles and shake. The root *tre- is not simple, but compound, going back to the even more ancient primary root *reue- “set in motion, shake”. Such words as the Slavic “rukh”, “movement”, go back to this ancient basis of FEAR. The English word ruin /rooin/ “to destroy”, goes back to the same root.

The Arabic language has a single root word روح /ruh/, which is often used in Qur’an to mean “Spirit”, “Moving Force”, or the force that inspires the soul. This word is also present in Hebrew: רוח /ruakh/ “spirit”, “movement of the spirit”. In the Torah, this word is called the Spirit of the Lord, or the wind raised by the Lord: “And he filled him with the Spirit of God (/ruakh/רוּחַ)” with wisdom, understanding, knowledge and every art.” Words that have become winged from the Proverbs of Solomon, “The beginning of wisdom is the fear of the Lord, and the knowledge of the Holy One is intelligence” (Book of Proverbs, 9:10), these have many different interpretations. The roots of the word FEAR indicate the presence in the soul, which begins to comprehend the wisdom of God, a special trepidation caused by the descent of the Spirit of Truth – the Lord’s answer to our prayers and calls. In other words, the comprehension of Wisdom begins with a special excitement of the soul – movement (in Polish /ruh/ “movement”), felt as a tremble. This trembling is caused by the coming and inspiration of the Holy Spirit. This happens during a sincere, heartfelt prayer, or during a living deep perception of the Word of God.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of communication with God: “After the completion of forty years, the Angel of the Lord appeared to him in the wilderness of Mount Sinai in the flame of a burning thorn bush. Moses, when he saw, marveled at the vision; and as he approached to look closer, the voice of the Lord came to him: I am the God of your fathers, the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob. Moses, trembling (in the original ἔν­τρομος /entromos/, literally “trembling inwardly”) did not dare to look” (Acts of the Apostles, 7:30-32).

In psychology, FEAR is considered as a reaction of the psyche that involuntarily arises when faced with danger, known as “Fight or Flight”. Some animals, when faced with danger, freeze like ground squirrels, which, turning into columns, hope that the predator will not notice them. Others run as fast as they can, like hares. Experiencing animal fear, a person subconsciously tries to escape, avoiding death. In the Holy Scriptures in Greek, this kind of fear is consistently called the word PHOBOS and its derivatives, for example, φοβέομαι /phobeomai/ “to be afraid”.

According to the Gospel, fear-phobia at the sight of God’s miracle must be overcome so that a person does not move away from the Lord, but the opposite, follows Him and, saving himself, saves others. Where it is about phobos, in translations of Holy Scriptures from Greek into Slavic, the word FEAR is used everywhere, although the internal imagery of these words is completely different. The main ancient root of the word PHOBOS, is the same as in the English word “RUN”. Fear-phobia takes away a person’s strength, fetters or forces to flee, meaning humiliates human dignity and likens to dumb animals. The Lord rids a sinful and mortal earthly person from his fears-phobias, giving strength to overcome animal instincts. With the call “Do not be afraid!” the Lord returns to man his god-like dignity and brings him closer to Himself. Can an animal fear of death make a person avoid falling into sin? – Yes, but the problem is that cunningness and slyness, based on the lies of the ancient serpent can be stronger than animal fears-phobias: “The serpent was more cunning than all the wild animals that the Lord God created. And the serpent said to the woman: Did God truly say, do not eat from any tree in paradise? And the woman said to the serpent: We can eat fruits from trees, only the fruits of a tree that is in the middle of paradise, God said, do not eat them and do not touch them, lest you die. And the serpent said to the woman: No, you will not die, but God knows that on the day you eat them, your eyes will be opened, and you will be like gods, knowing good and evil. And the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked, and they sewed together fig leaves, and made themselves aprons. And they heard the voice of the Lord God walking in paradise during the cool of the day; and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of paradise. And the Lord God called to Adam and said to him: Where are you? He said: - I heard your voice in paradise, and I was afraid (ἐφοβήθην /ephobisin/ - a derivative of PHOBOS), because I was naked, and hid” (Genesis, 3: 1-8). Fear-phobos first arose in the human soul after the fall. Seized by this mortal fear, sinning Adam began not to ask for forgiveness, but to avoid God, hiding his shame.

Distinguishing a person’s animal fear of death from the Fear of God as the beginning of wisdom and reason, the ancient Greek translators of the Old Testament sometimes resorted to the word θεοσέβειά /theosebeia/ “God fear”. The word σέβειά “reverence, veneration” has a significant fundamental difference from PHOBOS and contains a different example of fear. Like the first part of the word FEAR, it goes back to the root *tewh – “to be strong” and in combination with Theos-God, brings to an image of “trembling in the presence of the Power of God.” In Holy Scriptures, fear-sebia, that is, the Fear of God, is consistently opposed to fear-phobos, that is the animal fear of death. It can be very difficult to distinguish the fear of God in your own tremble of heart from the animal fear-phobia. The property of the psyche, called by psychologists “the law of preference in favor of one’s “I””, often makes us justify our fear-phobia (the desire to avoid trouble and punishment), hypocritically passing it off as Theosebia – piety. For example, often hooligans pester passers-by on the street under the disguise of beggars in order to attack and rob if the victim themselves does not “give” their wallet. The only way to avoid slyness, to choose a reasonable behavior and not to become a slave to animal phobia under the pretext of Theosebia, is an internal prayer appeal to God: “Where does wisdom come from? And where is the place of reason?” It is hidden from the eyes of all living things and hidden from the birds of the air. Abaddon and death say: With our ears we have heard a rumor about it. God knows its way, and He knows its place. For He sees to the ends of the earth and sees under the whole sky. When He gave weight to the wind and disposed of the water according to measure, when He appointed a rule for the rain and a path for thunderous lightning, then He saw it and revealed it, prepared it and tested it again and said to man: Behold, the fear (θεοσέβειά /theosebeia/) of the Lord is the true wisdom, and abstaining from evil is intelligence.” (Book of Job, 28:20-28). The Lord favors the people who experience the trembling “fear” of the Lord before Him, therefore He opens their hearts to receive the principles of Wisdom. To be continued…

 

August 4-5, 2022

Fear…

Tell me, who does not know fear? Who is the bravest?

There is an illness when a person does not feel fear. It is called the Urbach-Wiethe disease. It is very rare with only about 300 cases since its discovery in 1908, a consequence of gene mutation on the first chromosome, the already well-known to you amygdala is destroyed and the person does not feel a sense of fear. But as the latest research in the field shows, they can also be scared. Who else can be fearless? Maybe an elite military soldier, since their profession is to kill, but despite the ease with which they take lives, they are also afraid, afraid to lose those who are dear to them, afraid to die. Maybe it is the powerful of this world – I do not think so. Their life is a living hell, they are afraid of losing billions. It turns out that fear is natural, since everyone from the most cruel villains to religious fanatics face it. Although still, fear is not a disease, we are not born with it. So when does the first feeling of fear come.

I was trying to remember my first fear. I can clearly remember myself, starting from the age of one and a half years, I remember individual episodes. Like cuts from a movie, but there I still do not know what fear is. And somewhere closer to four I remember – it was fear of the dark.

Therefore, I conclude that fear is not known to children, souls of which are still pure. Parents, society had not yet drawn boundaries, put them in a cage called society, write the rules of the game of their lives…

Children do not know what shame is, they can easily take off their clothes, make noise, cry, laugh, behave “inappropriately”, parents will instruct so later. They behave as their heart tells them. Because they want to, they are truly free. They are alien to someone else’s opinion, the limits of decency, they still do not understand the meaning of the word “NO”, but this is not for long.

Society is responsible for those whom it has tamed, for those who are allowed to live in a world of illusions. In a world where smell of money and power are above the laws of life. And we parents, as faithful guardians of the law, are simply obliged to help in this. As we have a whole trainload of methods and an endless possibility of trying. We were supplied with everything we need, from children’s cartoons, fairy tales, songs, toys that, if you think about it, are like excerpts from horror movies and cannot possible be intended for those whose nervous system has not formed yet. Why should a child listen to a lullaby where someone or something will bite or eat them… Is violence, hunger and death, sadness, tears really something that is so necessary for those who could easily go into fire and water, who smiles death in the eyes…

You might say, but it is our heritage, traditions, culture, without them we are no one. Without them we become without a nation and tribe.

Once upon a time, our people brought blessings for seven generations, the family worked for the future of their descendants. Today, the people bear only curses and responsibility.

Well, what about our tribe? Before, a tribe protected the weakest, or the feeble, at the cost of their own lives. Without slogans, pathos, laws. Although a tribe was not connected by blood ties, it was connected by spiritual kinship, where the most priceless was LIFE. And what do we see today, a complete change of poles, opposite values. Life is completely devalued. The servants of satan are worthy of respect as they have done such a great job, working diligently century after century, year after year, day after day.

Well, where are we, the heirs of eternal life? Are there almost none of us left. Ask yourself: “Who are you”, servants of “night”, or warriors of “light”?

FEAR – genius, great, win-win weapon of satan. If you want to become warriors of the light, do something about your fears, deal with them, take out one after another poisonous needles of horror from your souls. Because in the real world, darkness is afraid of light, but in this crazy world of illusions, the opposite is true.

I had to live in different countries and today I can for sure say that methods of satan are identical everywhere, his handwriting is visible to the naked eye, he does not even try to hide it. Whether it is in the poorest countries or the wealthiest ones.

Now I am trying to list all the values that my parents, school, environment inspired me: Love to my motherland, my native language is the most beautiful, ancient history, heritage, the best school, values, faith; My country is God’s chosen country. Also, there are default values: we are obliged to respect and bow before those who have a more expensive suit and a cooler chair (position), the endless competition of the conformity of life, fashion, religion, political views of that time.

Also was taught that your elders are always right, since they have life experience, that they love, and will never turn their back on you and will not betray. While it was them, who inflicted all these scars, molested, betrayed and turned their backs. I was lucky, because not even that could extinguish my fire of love to God. He is everything that I had, have and will have, no matter what!

They also instructed that lying for good is not bad, that betraying for praise is good. How often parents, brothers, sisters, friends asked you to lie, how often in childhood we raised our hands and said that it was him or her that was copying, how often we said – her or him had done it. Here is the first lie and the first betrayal for the good of society. And like faithful “mongrels”, the more your bark and bite, the more bones they will throw to you. The faster you can climb the career ladder by going head on, over the heads, with hypocrisy and betraying.

Taught to be silent, for the greater good as well, especially when someone had to be punished, flogged in public. When beaten, raped, killed, most of us turned away and walked by. And the most advanced said that so it was needed – he deserved it. The animal fear of being an outcast, not like everyone else, of being excommunicated from society, the church, the family had done its dirty job.

A lot can be listed, but the paradox is that what is listed above is identical in other countries. Everything from culture to anthem to the language of the country, they all believe they are superior to others. The pride of the fallen angel has brought forth its fruit.

Today I have no nation, no tribe, but if you think about it, they never even existed. There was only continuous debt to parents, to the country. But there was no legacy, and it was not even offered. And you know what I will tell you, that it is wonderful to be without a nation and a tribe. I like being an outcast, in today world, it is more of a compliment. I never learned to be silent, maybe I have a problem with my instinct of self-preservation. But I cannot and do not want to be silent anymore.

In childhood we often heard that today children are not like before, they are worse. Today they say that children are the most violent criminals. So let me ask, who created them? Who wants to take that responsibility, whom? The society? The parents? The church? The devil? But it is definitely not you, because turning away to leave without looking back, to say: “I do not know him”, is so easy. It is easy, since that is what we have been doing our whole conscious life. It was us who created monsters. We give birth to them, “cherish”, educate, admonish, not forgetting to remember God as the supreme judge, who has long prepared a place in hell. And then, having been brought up enough, when they no longer hurt, when the tears run out, you throw them away and call them – UNWANTED. But because of this they do not stop being your children and our spiritual brothers and sisters.

In childhood my mother would call me – Monster. A monster, someone who did not have enough love… But the first monster in my life was you mother. How many such exemplary, well-disguised monsters with a husk of decency there are?

Stop, come to your senses because retribution is here today. A time is approaching very rapidly when you will see true monsters. And you will all want to live, nobody wants to die. Therefore, the first thing you must remember, learn, and accept today.

FEAR IS ALWAYS AN ILLUSION, ALWAYS. It is not real, but the one who created it is already among us. And soon we will have an opportunity to meet him, but then you will not be able to turn away, to walk away. You will need to fight.

That is why if you are still afraid to lose status, money, job, property, family, life – you lost, because your soul was at stake… To be continued.

 

 

 

 

 Children and parent

 

Today I want to talk about children and parents. Eternal questions and seeking of answers. What came first the egg or the chicken. I think that first was LOVE, as it is what created LIFE.

I was pushed to these thoughts by my youngest child. My children are always close, like a tail following everywhere, one day it was so with my oldest, and so it is today with my youngest. If before I did not have enough personal space and had inconveniences. Then today I enjoy all of it, trying to memorize every moment, smile, word… I want to keep this time as long as possible, when they need their mother 24 hours a day, filling me with their love.

Once I watched my child try a sprig of greens, close their eyes and smile, slowly tasting, and I look and think – ACCEPTANCE, that is the word that is the stumbling stone. Reading lines from the bible, where it is written to be like children, as to them belongs the Kingdom of Heaven. As only they know how to accept wholeheartedly, unconditionally with all their being. They do not yet know what profit, greed is. They do not yet know what analysis is. They either accept, or not, no other option. As they accept coldness or heat, happiness or sadness, victories and defeats with their whole being, as they accept their immature parents. No matter how much you would offend them, what pain you would not cause them. However you would push away, how far you would drive away from yourself, they will still love, and forgive, accepting you as you are, even if they should have ran without turning back. “Why are you so dumb, this is not right, why so slow, not beautiful, tasteless, why are you the last one again, why not like “Him”, but who do you think you are and who were you born after like this, you cannot be my child, you are NOTHING”!

We do not know how to accept and let go our children. We grow up as infantile personalities, mired in resentment and childhood complexes. A child does not yet know how to heal, lick the wounds inflicted by parents, society. They can only cry and ask “WHY”? We grow up with ugly scars, masked by self-confidence. We do not know how to accept our past, we do not accept our present and we are not in a state to accept our future. Because this is a vicious circle of resentment and self-destruction that we drag all our lives. Finding relief in inflicting the same scars on those we created, those we should love. Callousness, indifference and immaturity of parents, society is the main root of the evil in our time. Having lost our past, we steal the present and the future of our children. How can you reject and hate someone just because they did not live up to your expectations. If our Heavenly Father rejected us and did not accept us as we are, without pathos and an imaginary husk of virtues, we would not have anywhere to return.

Our vices are from not knowing how to forgive those who bring us real pain, hiding behind good intentions, justifying our inability to empathize.

Money, education, having a husband, or children does not give a feeling a happiness. These are things that never intersect. Do not say that you live by the above values, that you do it through love. That life is love, because your true values are listed above. To be happy – is when there are no regrets. A life of chasing money and status is full of regrets.

For a child a parent is God – it is a very delicate relationship with a very strong connection. Which can be kept whole life or be destroyed with your egoism. You can take the soul out of the child, cut off the connection and throw it away, as if something unneeded, disgusting, when suddenly the small creature decides to challenge you. Such children are thrown onto the sidelines of life, they simply must survive, but they will never be able to truly smile, at the stage of life when there is no experience to heal the wounds and rise again. As they were betrayed by those for whom they were ready to die. Remember, children always try to please their parents, they follow your whims, caprices, fantasies, even to the detriment of themselves. It is a moral molestation at an early age when a child does for parents what they could not do in childhood.

I just want to say that maybe the time has come to ask for forgiveness for all that evil and pain that you caused them. And no matter if they are alive or passed. As long as your memories of them are alive it is not too late…

Now, when I look at my children, I can say, that I can see them, that I can hear them, that I am waiting for them, that I love them and will be always close! For me it absolutely does not matter what path they will choose: path of destruction or creation, the path of fight or inaction, because I will always be there for them. They must go through it without fear and regrets. Because only this way I will be able to go in peace. Only this way I will be able to tell the Heavenly Father, that I came back with victory.

Love your children, as the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to them, they are the true heirs of eternal life. Write your thoughts in the comments. I hope this is useful to someone.